i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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