you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
