It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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