Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
