I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
