I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
