Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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