I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
