tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
