I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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