Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
