Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Who died my cat blue again?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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