we're blogging at a bar
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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