If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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