I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
