too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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