apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
