she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
