so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
where does the pee come out of this thing
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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