You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
