i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
false alarm. still invincible.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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