Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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