sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
