I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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