worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
