theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
