dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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