that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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