I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
