dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
