If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
