How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
