I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
