Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
