Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
