Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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