I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Found your dick twin last night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
