moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
soo... how was my night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
