i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He felt like a one man threesome
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
