he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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