I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
