Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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