I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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