belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
