so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
