meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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