i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
