I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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