i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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