He is such a slut. More and more my type.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
