I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
