M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
