I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
