you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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