I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
