I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
