We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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