Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
