Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
