I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
