I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize