She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Couch. On fire.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
