Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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