my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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