break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
