i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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