Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
