Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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