Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
