what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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