who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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