i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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