I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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