you guys were way drunker than both of me
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
