D3 body, D1 cock
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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