garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
