good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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